When the world around me gets too big

I close my mind, block out the light and sound

Find the small place I can be free

Free of the voices, free of pain

The world where I can dance a sing without care 

The star of my stage; life ahead of me

Where I am beautiful and interesting 

Not this reality of an awkward being 

Trying to fumble along and be herself 

In a world that has no time to play


Over the past week or so, I’ve been asked advice on a whole range of topics, some mundane, some explicit. I get asked my opinion a lot, but these questions are not just opinion, but how what I do can factor into their lives. This is straight up advice. I have never been the person people go to for advice. Most people look at my fringe lifestyle and just dismiss me. I’ve never been one to take advice as I go strictly on instinct and pure trial and error. 

I’m the first person to admit my mistakes in life. I should’ve prepared for college. For some reason, I thought I was too stupid for college, so why try? Then I found out, too late, that I have a form of dyslexia, not stupidity. I tried college, but didn’t stick with it. I should’ve stayed. I did go back eight years ago, but life got in the way. Again, I should’ve stayed. At least I was the straight-A student I’d always wanted to be.
When I met my husband, I was told never to marry him because I was too young and hadn’t had many boyfriends. We just celebrated our twentieth anniversary. When I had my kids, everyone gave my all sorts of advice. I stayed by what I felt was right. I went on to homeschool though everyone had strong feelings against it. I have great kids who now excel as people, one of whom is now an adult. 

During my years home with the kids, I learned skills that I continue to enjoy to this day. I can’t understand the need to be “perfect” even with my excelled skills. Everything is the best I can do, because no matter how good I think I am, there is always going to be someone better. This knowledge makes me push myself to be better than myself, no one else. I can’t be younger, taller, or more talented than I am, so I have to use what I’ve got. Which means, if those are my only limits, I’ve got a lot to work with!

Of course, I don’t know where to start, if I am truly destined to advise people. I’m smart enough to throw the idea out there and see if it lands anywhere. So, there’s this.  

Everyone has their opinions. All I can do is show by example. Which isn’t such a bad thing, is it? 

I’ve been asked. 



When you place your needle in my groove

it rattles my mind and makes me shiver –
My head screams with the sounnd
of a thousand floating notes
reaching to kiss the hearts of souls –
The air impregnates every crack
and pulsates to a rhythm –
A crescendo crackles
as the diamond caresses
my deepest wells –
spilling its tune
beyond the red, red vinyl
while voices let go all restraint